Amtrekker
Hey Team,
I’m an unemployed vagrant. All I have is a backpack full of technology, a shoestring budget and a very important list. When everything is crossed off my list I get to go home! Let me know if you want to trade one of those shoestrings for help. brett@amtrekker.com
See where
Amtrekker's been for the last 505 days.
See where Amtrekker's been for the last 505 days.

  1. Tube down a river
  2. Ride a horse through a covered bridge
  3. Sleep in a lighthouse
  4. Learn survival skills
  5. Enter a hot dog eating contest
  6. Walk to the top of the Empire State Building
  7. See a live taping of The Colbert Report
  8. See a game at Fenway Park
  9. Milk a cow on an Amish farm
  10. Wade through a cranberry bog
  11. Go into a coal mine
  12. Take part in a Civil War reenactment
  13. Race dirt bikes
  14. Make Moonshine
  15. Hitchhike
  16. Learn to Sail
  17. Try my hand at kiteboarding
  18. Pet a sloth
  19. Help out on a plantation
  20. Learn to run a 3 card monte game
  21. Tell Donald Trump "You're Fired."
  22. Be a guest on a talk show
  23. Hang gliding
  24. Be part of a stage illusion
  25. Be in a movie
  26. Experience Comic Con
  27. Go on a lobster boat
  28. SCUBA dive in the Atlantic
  29. Drive a race car
  30. Go to an obscure small town festival
  31. River kayak
  32. Geocache in all 48 contiguous states
    Profile for Amtrekker
  33. Collect honey from a beehive
  34. Scale the lowest highest point in a state
  35. Arkansas Crater of diamonds state park and look for a diamond
  36. Ride the fastest roller coaster in the country
  37. Go through a hedge maze
  38. Catch a firefly
  39. Motorcycle Rally
  40. Ride a cow
  41. Sandboarding
  42. Ride an ostrich
  43. Create a crop circle
  44. Fly fishing
  45. Swamp boat ride with gators
  46. See a movie at the Alamo Draft House
  47. Tour the Crayola Factory
  48. Ben and Jerry's Flavor Graveyard
  49. See a Freak Show
  50. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon


The Wonderful World of Greyhound:

Hey Team,

I stepped up into the doorway resigned to the upcoming fifty-three hour marathon only to be slapped in the face by a wall of stale air. A quick look around shows only one empty seat; not leaving me the usual option of scouring the bus for the least stained place to plant myself. It’s the front seat. Not a terrible spot. At least not as compared to all of the other terrible spots. Notable drawbacks: No reading light, less leg room (but since the leg room is minimal anyway I go in expecting discomfort), and a little old lady who thinks she can “save me” by convincing me I should settle down and get married, “maybe have a few kids.”

I fold myself into a good book silently throwing out all the social cues I can muster to drive the point home that I don’t want to be having this conversation. The next forty-five minutes only bring me two pages closer to the climax. She needs no prompting to ask the next question and a never-ending string of one-word answers are nothing in the face of her persistence.

“Were you married once already?”

“No.”

“Is there a girl back home?”

“No.”

I think she’s secretly hoping I’ll just tell her I’m gay so she’ll have something to talk about at church on Sunday. Eventually she’s gone. People come and go but I have no reason to move.

That evening I change seats just so I’ll have a light to read by. The man sitting next to me smells like stale cigarettes. I blame him for the air quality on the bus even though he was still hundreds of miles away when I first boarded. His legs are spread wide looking for any available space to call their own. Typical. I do the same but can’t help but think what an uncomfortable situation it is to be forced into such close quarters with a stranger you don’t respect. A stranger you (right or wrong) already blame for prior discomforts.

Across the aisle a man randomly apologizes for everything he does, often causing a greater disruption in the process. Sometimes yelling nonsense into the void. I can’t tell if he knows what he’s doing.

“HOW Y’ALL LIKE TENNESSEE?!” We’re in Oklahoma.

“I’M SORRY! I APOLOGIZE TO ANYONE SLEEPING!” He raises his voice beyond his original question. It’s 11:30 pm.

Silence.

“I’M SORRY! THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I APOLOGIZE!” He holds his hands up in the air to show his sincerity. I’m three feet from him but would never be able to tell you what he’s apologizing for. It’s midnight.

The book gets better. No reason to complain. This is all status quo when you expect the unexpected. Keep your patience on its toes and it’s easier to bob and weave through the obstacle course of Greyhound.

The pace picks up and I’m absorbed. Whatever is happening in the “real world” has nothing to do with me.

At least, until the stale breath begins to carry with it a story.

“Oklahoma City was just too slow for me(youknowwhatI’msayin)”

“I just want to get back to Dayton(youknowwhatI’msayin) Back to my little girl(youknowwhatI’msayin) She’s all that matters to me(youknowwhatI’msayin) I needed a faster pace(youknowwhatI’msayin)”

“That’s admirable.” I smile. I look him in the eyes. I listen to his story. That’s all he wants and I’m happy to oblige.

After he’s done I sit and think. What would it be like if I actually said the word “period” after every sentence. I’m relatively sure that’s how he’s using the phrase “You know what I’m saying?” I don’t think he’s actually checking up on me. I don’t think he wants me to keep answering that question.

His story told he sits back and closes his eyes. I go back to reading. Finally I’m the only one in my world. Discomfort or not I can pretend I’m somewhere else. Watching through a window into a fictional world. A world where people can move freely in the moment, where they aren’t confined to a two-foot square. I’m envious now but I know as soon as I make it over this hurtle there’s nothing but real world adventure on the other end.

“Hey man. Could you turn off that light(youknowwhatI’msayin)” Apparently sometimes it’s a question mark.

One more day and I’m in Scranton.

I’m done.

Brett.





I like writing. You like reading. Anyone like donating?


*hint hint wink wink nudge nudge* Say no more.


3 Comments »

  1. Loved the blog today! It made me feel uncomfortable for you! What is happening in Scranton?

    Comment by Kristy — July 11, 2008 @ 3:18 pm

  2. I really feel for you, having to sit near someone who smokes like a locomotive. Maybe next time you won’t be so unlucky. I hope so. Yo Gramtrekker.

    Comment by Grandma and Grandpa — July 11, 2008 @ 8:41 pm

  3. Since no one else asked, what were reading?
    Fun Fact: The Pennsylvania Polka started in Scranton, and now it’s #1!
    Aaaaand, everytime phil goes to do his groundhog’s day story at gobbler’s knob (

    Comment by just ilott — July 22, 2008 @ 2:41 pm

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