Male PMS

Male PMS

Hey Team,

Last night was kind of a rough night. Danielle used to call it “male PMS.” It may not be quite as regular as the chick version, but the results are always strikingly similar.

I wouldn’t exactly call it depression and I wouldn’t exactly call it loneliness…maybe more of a general malaise, or a low-grade frustration with life. It never really makes sense…and it’s rarely attached to any particular cause. But it’s usually characterized by me, in a bad mood, wanting to escape. Unfortunately, I’m kind of in the middle of my most complicated escape attempt to date. So where do I go from there?

In most cases I just want to get away from everything and everyone and do some good solid Goth style brooding (minus the creepy makeup and hair and clothing…and coffee…and clove cigarettes…and bad poetry…and the strange conformity to one given look that goes beyond any conformity that the Abercrombie mob has ever had. But otherwise JUST like that).

And it usually culminates in me getting up suddenly and going for a long, long run, by myself. But with a heavy pack full of tech I’m not very well equipped to go out for a long run these days.

Instead, I just started walking barefoot in the dark until I came across a neighborhood bookstore (my favorite places to kill time). While I was in there I started reading the preface to the original “scroll” version of “On the Road” by Jack Kerouac. It was just published this year, fifty years after the heavily edited version first saw print. (Incidentally, “On the Road” is the only other book besides “Travels with Charley” that I considered bringing with me on this trip. If not for lack of space I would have brought both.)

It was nice having something interesting to read and escape into (metaphorically of course, I would never have fit INSIDE the book, it was much to small) but reading the preface about how he went about writing “On the Road” only really served to desperately make me want to write a book. So, I guess, on the whole, the experience was kind of a wash. I still left the bookstore in a funk.

Before anyone starts to freak out I should say; I’m feeling much better today. I’m finally on the road (I didn’t mean for that pun to happen but I like it, so I’m going to leave it and pretend it was on purpose…shoot I just gave away the truth.) again and I get to stare out the train window at the endless blur of green in upstate New York and listen to the wet sounding snores boil gentle out of the throat of the fat man sitting behind me. PLUS I got to write a little bit last night before I went to sleep (um…and right now, I guess, if you want to get technical).

So, life’s good again after a minor hiccup. I wouldn’t have written about it but I feel like I owe everyone as close to the whole truth as I can represent on a page a day and since I experience so much cool stuff it’s only fair that a tiny little negative sneak in there on occasion. Regardless, this was far and away the toughest story to write so far.

Okay, I’m on a train on my way to Illinois to knock off #30 and #33 this weekend and hopefully it’s not too late to find myself a firefly. Wish me luck! And on that note:

I’m done.


Don’t let me stop you.

9 Replies to “Male PMS”

  1. P.S. I’m going to start commenting on these stories more myself…or rather commenting on your comments so we can turn this section into more of a conversation. Sound fun?!

  2. Brett. Yesterday I completely refurbished a Tesla Coil and promptly singed the hair off my knuckles due to a radio frequency burn. Just thought you’d appreciate that.

  3. Hey there!! Glad to hear you are coming to Illinois. Truth be told, you might be able to knock off riding a cow while you are there too…. the parents of one of my old classmates have a cattle farm, I believe.

    About the whole depressed/bad day thing… it refreshing to hear that a man feels that way too sometimes. I am glad that you are over that though!!

    See you soon??!!

  4. I’m a little jealous, I’ve never had my knuckles singed due to frequency burn.

    I’m in Illinois right now! Chicago on a layover, Kewanee by 8:30 and Galva shortly after!

  5. That’s funny because I had my horrible depressed day Tuesday, which hasn’t happened in awhile, so it surprised me. It’s like I don’t want to do ANYTHING when I’m there, and everything is pointless and purposeless… it’s a really helpless state of mind. Happens to the best of us:) Haha well I’m glad we’re both over it. Don’t make the bees mad.

  6. “That buzzing noise means something. Now, the only reason for making a buzzing noise that I know of is because you are… a bee! And the only reason for being a bee is to make honey. And the only reason for making honey is so I can eat it. ” -Pooh

  7. “Hopefully it’s not too late to find myself a firefly” sounds so metaphoric at the end of that post even though I know you mean it literally. Good luck!

  8. hey brett…

    glad to hear you’re feeling lots better. i’ve had a couple of these kind of days lately since i hit a patch of some serious drama in my life, but things are looking up!! i hope to hear that you’re headed this way soon. if you hurry, we can probably scrounge up a firefly (i hope), and we can go tubing on the chattahoochee river!! i hear it’s lots of fun, and we were planning on doing it early this fall, so you’re just in time.

  9. That was the BEST quote Nickola! I love A.A. Milne’s Pooh!

    You just tell me when to be there and there’s NO WAY I’d miss tubing down the Chattahoochee with you, Robin!

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