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I ate a maple bar. It had bacon on it.

I’ve been staring at a blank page on my computer for the last twenty minutes trying to decide what to write about from yesterday, but no matter where I try to take the story in my head it always begins and ends with: I ate a maple bar. It had bacon on it.

Which is silly because there are plenty of other things that happened yesterday, most of them fairly interesting. I drove through the birthplace of Steve Prefontaine wearing a “Pre Lives” T-shirt, I had lunch with an old friend from high school in Corvallis, I explored Powell’s Books, a HUGE used bookstore and I finished the day with a girl, a dog and a pint on the back patio of the Lucky Labrador Brew Pub in Portland.

But, in the middle of that somewhere…

Voodoo Doughnuts smells like homeless people and feet. (Maybe it smells like the feet of homeless people, I’m not sure, I try not to get too close to my feet.) However, despite the rational side of your mind trying to convince you otherwise, underneath the layer of body odors there is an undeniable and distinct tinge of deliciousness. The interior is decorated with only three elements in mind: doughnuts, rockabilly and dirt. The walls are plastered with obituaries of dead (I guess that’s kind of redundant) musicians and the occasional piece of incredible artwork. In short, Voodoo Doughnuts has far and away more character than any other doughnut shop you’ve ever seen. Period.

On the menu you have choices ranging from “Cock and Balls” to “glazed” (whatever that means).

“What’s the ‘Tex-ASS’?”

“‘Sa big ass doughnut.”

“Oh…um, I’ll have an Old Dirty Bastard, a Voodoo Doll, a vegan glazed and a maple bacon bar.”

Having been vegan for a month it was cool to see that most of the doughnuts came in a vegan version (the maple bacon bar being an obvious exception).

Turns out the Old Dirty Bastard was a little too much. It’s tough not to be overwhelmed by a chocolate iced doughnut covered in Oreo crumbles and drizzled with peanut butter. The Voodoo Doll was a chocolate, person-shaped doughnut with a pretzel through the face and raspberry filling. The vegan glazed was delicious and didn’t taste noticeably different from a regular glazed doughnut.

And then I ate a maple bar. It had bacon on it.

I’m done.

Brett.





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