A Stitch in Time Saves Nine

A Stitch in Time Saves Nine

Hey Team,

Some will say, “I didn’t want to know that?”

Most will say, “Why are you tell this to the world?”

My answer to both? “It’s too funny not to pass along.”

Those of you that follow my twitter feed already know a portion of the story but that doesn’t mean you have all the gory (read: ridiculous) details.

You all know I only travel with one pair of shorts and one pair of pants so you can imagine how disturbed I was when I ripped a hole in the crotch of my shorts on one of my Greyhound long hauls the other day. But I’m less positive you all truly understand how cheap I can be. Despite the threadbare status of these shorts I was determined than I could fix them myself. (It wouldn’t be pretty but it would be serviceable until the next hole cropped up.)

Crotch Hole

So, when I found myself in North Carolina last night with a needle and thread that just happened to do a really good of matching my shorts sitting next to me I knew what had to be done.

Unfortunately, I was still wearing the aforementioned ripped shorts and through sheer force of laziness decided it wasn’t worth it to go hunt down my pants in my backpack. Plus the hole was already in easy reaching distance…no need to move.

A stitch in time saves nine.

Doubled over I proceeded to do a masterful job of stitching up my crotch (I grew up in an upholstery shop.) knowing full well that there were a thousand different ways this could go wrong. But nonetheless feeling confident that I was a gifted enough seamstress to be able to 1) Prevent myself from giving myself a vasectomy and 2) notice if I happened to go through an extra layer of cloth into my underwear.

I was wrong on at least one count.

Just imagine why there's that awkward tent to the shorts

Luckily, it was the less painful of the two. When I stood up to shift the hole to a more manageable position things stopped cooperating. I tried to pull the shorts down…no luck. I couldn’t stop laughing when I reached down to figure out what was going on. I imagined having accidentally caught a stitch in my underwear and having to do a couple stitches over again. Still laughing uncontrollable I finally got things under control and caught a glimpse of the NINE (let me say that again…NINE!!!) stitches that I sent not just through my shorts but through my underwear to boot!

I still haven’t been able to fix my shorts.

I’m done.


The smart thing to do would be to just buy a new pair o shorts. Want to help?

Don’t let me stop you.

7 Replies to “A Stitch in Time Saves Nine”

  1. haha I’m sending a new pair of shorts with mom and dad when they meet up with you in a couple of weeks.

  2. Update!! There are now three large holes in Amtrekkers shorts, all in less then desirable locations. He still sports them proudly

  3. @Gramps: It happens.

    @Jess: Awesome!

    @jenninva: Is that a compliment or a slam?!

    @Kristy: Call it a knack.

    And for everyone…Mikey is absolutely right. During the Pseudo-sport Olympics I had a couple more blowouts in my nether regions. They’re pretty much unwearable now. šŸ™

  4. With the Spike Lee angles on that first photo, you should have just killed two birds with one stone and given yourself a vasectomy. Granted, gynecology is only a hobby of mine, but I think that blue baby I saw was crowning. 9 stiches dialated??

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