Hey Team,

Ever stop and ask yourself, “How the crap am I going to get from New York City to Louisville, Kentucky without any money?”

Yeah, me too.

So here are a couple tips. First: craigslist. In the rideshare section you should hunt down an awesome family that is moving to Colorado from Long Island to restart their lives. Make sure they are driving two cars (preferably a big box truck and a Toyota Forerunner).

Now, at some point, the Forerunner ought to run out of gas by the side of the freeway despite the gas gauge (or gasometer as I like to call it) insisting a quarter of a tank exists.

When that happens I highly recommend running a mile in freezing weather during a light snow flurry (that stings your eyes with every step) to make it to the nearest gas station, where you can borrow a gas tank and catch a ride back to the downed vehicle with a reluctantly nice guy, thus saving the day in a VERY minor way.

I would also like to recommend that when you make a pit stop in the middle of the night to rearrange drivers you might want to watch one of the cats you should be traveling with escape and then spend the next twenty minutes trudging through calf deep snow trying to find him. Of course, it will turn out that he somehow made it to the other side of a giant wire fence and doesn’t know how to get back. So naturally, you and Elon (that will be the dad/husband’s name of the family you should travel with) will spend the next 5-10 minutes cutting holes in the fence and coaxing the cat back with food.

Something similar should happen at least three other times.

Eventually you will have been in the car for about 28 hours to travel a distance that should have taken about 13 hours. On the upside you will have made some VERY cool lifelong friends.

Of course this only gets you to Chicago, there’s still the little matter of getting the next four hours southeast towards Louisville (looooou-ehh-lil?). For this, again, I totally recommend craigslist…but this time you should try to find a 52 year old retired man who’s headed towards Orlando in a Little Miss Sunshine style 1985 Volkswagen van.

He will probably be pretty awesome too. And despite his meager appearances he will probably be ridiculously well off and on his way to Orlando in this particular car so he can just leave it there when he goes south to look at some property to add to his already extensive portfolio.

If you do it right he will also be able to entertain you with TONS of travel stories and advice on everything from hitchhiking to economic strategies to freight train jumping. And again, he will be a great friend and acquaintance to have.

That’s pretty much it. If you follow my advice you should have no problems whatsoever traveling from New York, NY to Louisville (looooou-ehh-lil), KY on a dime.

After all…it worked for me.

I’m done.

Brett.

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It’ll be fun!