Hey Team,

I get SO sick of knowing that EVERYTHING I read on the internet one day a year is going to be complete and total BS. Seriously guys, it’s not all that original. We all know it’s coming. If anything it just makes me assume that even the true stuff is a lie on April Fool’s Day.

Congratulations people. Way to go. You made a handful of people that can’t pay attention to the date think that you’ve sold your soul to a talking porcupine for a box of tic tacs.

I’d be so much more impressed if someone faked a bunch of people out on the fourth of July and then just before they walked off the nearest bridge to show their complete commitment to the ridiculous lie they shouted, “April Fool’s!”

It’s like Valentine’s Day. It’s so much more meaningful if you give the gift of suckering some poor sap when they least expect it.

At the very least I’d like to see some retaliatory April Fool’s happenings. How come no one ever gets knocked to the ground and has their shoes ripped off and thrown in the garbage disposal after telling someone their shoelaces are untied?

Man, this is kind of bitter. You’d think I had some kind of childhood trauma or something…

I didn’t by the way. I’m just a little frustrated that every year one entire day is stolen from my life. Almost nothing that I can read today will be relevant to what happens tomorrow.

What a waste.

Okay, enough ranting. I have to head back over to the unicorn stable to see if I can get one of them to help me chase down those cucumbers that have been terrorizing Idaho. Those little bastards have been getting away with murder for too long!

April Fool’s! Man that was a good one. Whew! Yeah…so…I’ll just be going now.

(Time how long it took you to read that last paragraph. That’s how much of your life I owe you.)

I’m done.


Since I already owe you…

You might as well donate, right?