YOU’RE an April Fool! Jerk.

YOU’RE an April Fool! Jerk.

Hey Team,

I get SO sick of knowing that EVERYTHING I read on the internet one day a year is going to be complete and total BS. Seriously guys, it’s not all that original. We all know it’s coming. If anything it just makes me assume that even the true stuff is a lie on April Fool’s Day.

Congratulations people. Way to go. You made a handful of people that can’t pay attention to the date think that you’ve sold your soul to a talking porcupine for a box of tic tacs.

I’d be so much more impressed if someone faked a bunch of people out on the fourth of July and then just before they walked off the nearest bridge to show their complete commitment to the ridiculous lie they shouted, “April Fool’s!”

It’s like Valentine’s Day. It’s so much more meaningful if you give the gift of suckering some poor sap when they least expect it.

At the very least I’d like to see some retaliatory April Fool’s happenings. How come no one ever gets knocked to the ground and has their shoes ripped off and thrown in the garbage disposal after telling someone their shoelaces are untied?

Man, this is kind of bitter. You’d think I had some kind of childhood trauma or something…

I didn’t by the way. I’m just a little frustrated that every year one entire day is stolen from my life. Almost nothing that I can read today will be relevant to what happens tomorrow.

What a waste.

Okay, enough ranting. I have to head back over to the unicorn stable to see if I can get one of them to help me chase down those cucumbers that have been terrorizing Idaho. Those little bastards have been getting away with murder for too long!

April Fool’s! Man that was a good one. Whew! Yeah…so…I’ll just be going now.

(Time how long it took you to read that last paragraph. That’s how much of your life I owe you.)

I’m done.


Since I already owe you…

You might as well donate, right?

6 Replies to “YOU’RE an April Fool! Jerk.”

  1. Brett… here’s the perspective that you may be missing here: You don’t have to be the one getting suckered – you can be the one duping people and making THEM look like suckers!
    This is a great holiday. One of the best. And the reason being that it is a battle of wits against those around you. It is truly a beautiful thing to get the same people every year with new tricks up my sleeve – because they ARE expecting it, and yet they still get got. Talk about a sense of pride! Hitting someone when they most expect it? C’mon! That takes genius and deviousness the likes of which most have never seen! I literally emailed myself an hour ago with fresh ideas for 2009, and they are the best i have ever come up with! 2009 will blow ya mind will be the tagline, and yes, even you, will be able to witness it firsthand. Sucka!

  2. Childhood trauma? April fools day was always one of your favorites! You remember when you about 4yrs old and I had a friend from the hospital call and tell you that your mom and I had been… thats not a good one. How about the time I took you kitten and I … Hey Brett you shoes untied!!!

  3. Oh man I love the fools day! I try to spread bamboozlement throughout the year, but on this day It comes by the bucket full! Lighten up there Amtrekker, its fun to have fun for fun sake!

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