The Secret

The Secret

Hey Team,

Since I ended up spending too much time around my mom today to actually finish the Mother’s Day card I was hoping to make I’ll instead just have to regale you with an important lesson that I learned earlier in the week.

I think I already mention this…if not I guess I could just mention it again. SO, speaking of mentioning things it turns out I was mentioned in the Wall Street Journal. Did I mention the link looks a little something like this?

The point is: It’s not everyday you get to see your own name in print in the Wall Street Journal and so once I found out, I made it my own personal narcissistic mission to go find myself a copy of the paper. Unfortunately, I didn’t find out about the article until the day after the printing. That left me with the less than simple task of finding a copy of an outdated newspaper (Does that make it and oldspaper?) in a strange city. (San Francisco. Doesn’t get much stranger.)

So naturally I started wandering around the nearest college campus…and this is where that important lesson comes in.

You can go ANYWHERE on a college campus with the line, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I’m just looking for a copy of yesterday’s Wall Street Journal.”

I wandered around exam rooms, professors’ offices, classrooms and dorms and every time someone told me I wasn’t allowed there, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I’m just looking for a copy of yesterday’s Wall Street Journal.”

Followed closely by, “Oh. I don’t think we have a copy around here but if you check over at [fill in the blank here with another location I would soon find out I wasn’t allowed in] I’m sure they’ll have a few.”

On hindsight, who would ever think that someone that looks like me (i.e. scruffy and homeless, just like every other college student), looking for a day old prestigious paper, could ever be up to no good? I shouldn’t have been surprised.

BUT, I felt like I was underutilizing my newfound tool but actually telling the truth instead of making mischief. So, there’s the secret. Next time you find yourself trying to think of a clever way to sneak around a campus in the middle of the night in an effort to steal your rival college’s pig mascot…just do it in broad daylight instead and remember: “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I’m just looking for a copy of yesterday’s Wall Street Journal.”

I’m done.


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2 Replies to “The Secret”

  1. Other lines that work equally well to get places you shouldn’t go.

    When trespassing “Oh, sorry, I’m just looking for my ball” That one has saved me on multiple occasions “it’s a blue raquet ball, my little brother hit a towering fly ball with a whiffle ball bat, didn’t see where it landed”

    When removing something from a store that you shouldn’t (like a beer sign) “Oh, it’s alright, I’m with the company”

    When stopped by the police “Well officer, thank you so much for your time, here’s my card.”

  2. I don’t know how much I trust the Wall Street Journal… sure they’ve got a big name, but they think that a girl’s shirt needs to be on fire for it to be appropriate to douse her halter top with beer. And that kind of close-mindedness is just crazy. Get with the times WSJ! Spriiing Breeeaaak!

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