Amtrekker

Hey Team,

I’m been writing my poor little tiny behind off for the last week but most of these poetic pontifications are guest posts so you haven’t had the opportunity to see all my hard work on here. Then, in a lightning strike of clarity I realized, “The internet has these crazy things called…links!”

So here’s the post that went up at http://www.weirdthings.com yesterday and ties in nicely with the previous roadtrip stories. Enjoy!

Duh Duh DUH…the LINK.

I’m done.

Brett.

I ate a maple bar. It had bacon on it.

I’ve been staring at a blank page on my computer for the last twenty minutes trying to decide what to write about from yesterday, but no matter where I try to take the story in my head it always begins and ends with: I ate a maple bar. It had bacon on it.

Which is silly because there are plenty of other things that happened yesterday, most of them fairly interesting. I drove through the birthplace of Steve Prefontaine wearing a “Pre Lives” T-shirt, I had lunch with an old friend from high school in Corvallis, I explored Powell’s Books, a HUGE used bookstore and I finished the day with a girl, a dog and a pint on the back patio of the Lucky Labrador Brew Pub in Portland.

But, in the middle of that somewhere…

Voodoo Doughnuts smells like homeless people and feet. (Maybe it smells like the feet of homeless people, I’m not sure, I try not to get too close to my feet.) However, despite the rational side of your mind trying to convince you otherwise, underneath the layer of body odors there is an undeniable and distinct tinge of deliciousness. The interior is decorated with only three elements in mind: doughnuts, rockabilly and dirt. The walls are plastered with obituaries of dead (I guess that’s kind of redundant) musicians and the occasional piece of incredible artwork. In short, Voodoo Doughnuts has far and away more character than any other doughnut shop you’ve ever seen. Period.

On the menu you have choices ranging from “Cock and Balls” to “glazed” (whatever that means).

“What’s the ‘Tex-ASS’?”

“‘Sa big ass doughnut.”

“Oh…um, I’ll have an Old Dirty Bastard, a Voodoo Doll, a vegan glazed and a maple bacon bar.”

Having been vegan for a month it was cool to see that most of the doughnuts came in a vegan version (the maple bacon bar being an obvious exception).

Turns out the Old Dirty Bastard was a little too much. It’s tough not to be overwhelmed by a chocolate iced doughnut covered in Oreo crumbles and drizzled with peanut butter. The Voodoo Doll was a chocolate, person-shaped doughnut with a pretzel through the face and raspberry filling. The vegan glazed was delicious and didn’t taste noticeably different from a regular glazed doughnut.

And then I ate a maple bar. It had bacon on it.

I’m done.

Brett.

If you like the site, it’s still your help that keeps things going! Thanks a ton, everyone!

Hey Team,

In light of 1) the fancy pants new website you’re looking at right now and 2) the not so much fancy pants, as dirty pants, road trip I’m smack dab in the middle of right now, I’m trying to get back in the groove of writing everyday…or at least most days. So…

Yesterday was leg one of our fast-paced, multi-day road trip through the Pacific Northwest. It started out as a non-stop drive through Northern California straight to the rocky coastline of Oregon…but eventually Katy got tired and let me drive for awhile. Apparently, unbeknownst to her, my predilections towards being distracted by shiny objects directly translates to several small, unplanned pit stops.

While driving through the mountains north of Redding, CA a sign caught my eye.

“Winery 1¼ miles Next Right”

Unfortunately, the next right was only 50 feet from the sign so it woke Katy up when I slammed on the brakes and swerved to see what a mountain top winery looks like. Do the grapes grow right up the side of pine trees? What role do the pinecones play? Do they hire yetis for the annual grape crushing? These are the questions we would never know the answers to if we didn’t stop!

“What are you doing?!”

“I’ve never seen a winery in the mountains.”

She seemed to leave it at that but she was clearly trying to decide if letting me drive was the right move, tired or not. It didn’t help my cause that, despite the beautiful surroundings, when we pulled up to the One Maple Winery we were met by a fairly cold reception from the owner, Ernie. However, by the time we had gotten to the question about the grape crushing he had warmed up quite a bit. After twenty minutes of friendly banter from Ernie (and a purchased bottle of Chardonnay later) Katy was willing to cede that it was worth stopping for after all.

Back on the road it was AT LEAST half an hour before we passed Bigfoot Burger and I murmured, “Shoot! I wish I had’ve gotten a picture of that.” It was a couple more seconds of careful consideration that I hit the brakes again and pulled off to the side of the road.

“What are you doing?!”

“How many times do you get to stop at a place called ‘Bigfoot Burger’ in ‘Bigfoot Country?’”

“You just want a milkshake don’t you?”

“Oh, do they have milkshakes? Hmm…that’s a bonus!”

One vanilla milkshake and another 20 miles down the road and what do my sparkling eyes perceive? THE BIGFOOT MUSEUM! I only had time for a sharp intake of breath before Katy caught sight of it too and figured out what was going on…

“NO! We’re NEVER going to get to Seattle!”

“But…the Bigfoot MUSEUM! What do you think is in there?!”

We did end up stopping.

So Katy could drive.

At least for the time being I seem to have lost my privileges. I was scared it meant no more weird things, so I just took a nap…but then I woke up to THIS.

Katy’s a good road trip partner.

I’m done.

Brett.