Amtrekker

Hey Team,

After a long hiatus from crossing stuff off the list thanks to one scheduling failure after another spanning most of the country I finally feel back on track after today.

I packed up the goods (mostly corn meal, sugar and a bucket) and met up with Dr. Tiki at an undisclosed location (well into international waters where it is completely legal to make moonshine) and spent about an hour setting the stage for our undoing.

I purposely chose the simplest moonshine recipe I could find that still seemed to follow all the basic rules, reasoning that there would be less opportunities to screw it up. There’s no way of knowing whether or not we managed to do just that anyway for another few days but suffice it to say, despite there really only being three steps involved in this little procedure the most common phrase to pass through the lips of both the good doctor and I was:

“Wait…hold on…what do the instructions say?!”

It’s almost guaranteed to be a disaster. And I’m not just saying that because basically we’re trying to make a poison that the human body wants to reject anyway nor because it will practically by definition taste horrible; I’m talking more of a general sort of all around disaster.

But you never know. Maybe my luck will hold out. I guess we’ll all find out together around Tuesday-ish when our concoction is done fermenting and we can give distilling a try!

For now….I’m done.

Brett.

And here are two great ways to help out Team Amtrekker! Our new affiliation with bookingbuddy.com means all you have to do to help out the site is click on one of their ads and sign up for an awesome newsletter filled with travel deals! Thanks everyone!

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Hey Team,

I’ve been reading quite a bit about moonshine lately since I’ve recently decided I don’t want to poison myself like so many ill-advised hillbillies before me. As a result I felt pretty confident when I set out this afternoon to hunt down some grain for the “mash” to start the fermentation process. A quick half hour to and from the Tack and Feed store and I’d be set. Easy.

Here’s the thing. Nothing is every easy in my world. (Of course I wouldn’t have it any other way. Where would the fun be in that? And where would I get all these ridiculous stories from?!)

When it comes right down to it, even after HOURS of researching moonshine making techniques and recipes, all I really new was that the recipe I had decided to use (because it looked simple) recommended a five gallon bucket of “MannaPro Hi Grain sweet feed.”

I have no idea what that means.

“Hi. Do you guys sell, MannaPro Hi Grain sweet feed?”

“What’s that?”

“I thought you were suppose to take it from there. I don’t even know what the words I just said mean…I’m just on an errand for my aunt.” Ha! That’ll throw them off the scent. Now they’ll never know I’m secretly trying to make moonshine! (I’m ashamed to admit that is painfully close to what I was actually thinking when I said that.)

“Let me ask around.” She disappeared behind a door to talk to some sort of federal agent that knew “MannaPro Hi Grain sweet feed” was the preferred grain of moonshiners. (I’d been watching way too much “Burn Notice.”)

“Nope, sorry. We don’t have that.”

“Do you have any other ‘all grain horse feeds?’” I parroted the only other piece of information I could remember from the recipe.

“Blah blah blah gibberish nonsense.” She explained.

“Oh.” I blinked. “Thanks. I’ll just try somewhere else.”

I called around and was shot down by three other feed stores before finally deciding I needed to take a new tactic. After jumping back on Charley I found that an easy substitute for the horse feed would be corn meal. Easy.

I stopped at the nearest supermarket and took a stroll down the “baking needs” aisle. There was a box marked corn meal for about $4 that was only about a third of what I needed or several bags marked Harina Masa that as near as I could tell basically translated to “corn flour” and had as much mass as I would require for a doable $1.50! But not knowing if they would be interchangeable and terrified I was going to kill myself with this concoction I continued to stare at my options for another ten minutes before finally eliciting help from the internets.

Armed with newfound knowledge from multiple sources I stared for another ten minutes before getting flustered and leaving empty handed.

But NOW. Now, I have everything I need to start the fermentation process! Tomorrow is the big day…kind of.

It’s the day Moonshinery 2008 begins and I start the process that could easily be screwed up at any one of a number of junctures resulting in failure.

Wish me luck.

I’m done.

Brett.

And here are two great ways to help out Team Amtrekker! Our new affiliation with bookingbuddy.com means all you have to do to help out the site is click on one of their ads and sign up for an awesome newsletter filled with travel deals! Thanks everyone!

Thanks!

Hey Team,

Every since I was very young I’ve had a problem with terrible nightmares. Sometimes it’s not so much that they’re gruesome, or even “scary,” it’s often just a matter of how extraordinarily vivid they are. I can’t exactly remember when this became a problem…as far back as I can recall I would lie awake in bed at night praying that I wouldn’t have a nightmare despite the fact that I’ve never been all that religious.

“Please God, pretty please God, don’t let me have nightmares. Please God, pretty please God, don’t let me have nightmares. Please God, pretty please God, don’t let me have nightmares.”

Obviously, I was at my wit’s end when it came to stopping them and yet one day they were just gone.

Since then they’ve kind of ebbed and flowed with whatever weird stresses wander in and out of my life. I don’t understand and I haven’t been able to find a pattern; I just know some nights I wake up and want nothing more than to stay awake and not have to slide back into that dream world, “just in case.”

So, why would I give everyone such an intensely personal insight into the life and times of Brett?

Cause it will make the next part that much funnier…duh.

I woke up yesterday knowing exactly what I wanted to write about on here. The next leg of the Amtrekker adventure is shaping up to be an exciting story. Sure the day before had brought with it some minor disasters that have resulted in a few setbacks but if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times: “Disasters make the best stories.”

And this latest disaster was a masterwork of stupidity and serendipity the likes of which has never been seen outside of someone’s imagination.

Namely, my own.

I literally woke up and went straight to Charley to write about this crazy adventure, opened a new word document, set my fingers on the keyboard and JUST as I was getting my thoughts in order to start the first paragraph…then and ONLY then did it dawn on me that I probably hadn’t been in Nebraska yesterday and the police probably hadn’t organized a statewide manhunt.

Furthermore, I no longer have a recollection as to 1) any additional details of the story or 2) why in the WORLD I thought it was a good idea to wake up and write about it if there was an ongoing manhunt!

Vivid.

I’m done.

Brett.

And here are two great ways to help out Team Amtrekker! Our new affiliation with bookingbuddy.com means all you have to do to help out the site is click on one of their ads and sign up for an awesome newsletter filled with travel deals! Thanks everyone!

Thanks!

Hey Team,

The much delayed/ballyhooed podcast featuring your’s truly’s adventure in a lighthouse is here! Check it out.

“Amtrekker travels to Frankfort, MI to sleep in the 150 year old Point Betsie lighthouse (one of the most photographed lighthouses in America). Watch as he offers up a Cribs style tour of his overnight digs!

Hip-Hop ensues.”

And here’s the YouTube link.

I’m done.

Brett.

Annnddd…here are two great ways to help out Team Amtrekker! Our new affiliation with bookingbuddy.com means all you have to do to help out the site is click on one of their ads and sign up for an awesome newsletter filled with travel deals! Thanks everyone!

Thanks!

Hey Team,

I rode the motorcycle up to Northern California yesterday to meet with a couple of friends I haven’t seen in a very long time. It seemed like a simple enough procedure and in many ways it was…it just wasn’t a very comfortable ride.

Turns out this is also butterfly mating season here in California and along the scenic (and not so scenic) highways butterflies are chasing each other around at high speeds and following unpredictable paths like a bunch of drunken, horny high school seniors after prom night. Except now picture thousands upon thousands of prom nighters all bouncing off my windshield and helmet. (Wait…that analogy broke down somewhere.)

The point is: I was LITERALLY dodging butterflies as I was riding the bike. Bobbing and weaving my head trying not to catch a bug to the face mask that would obstruct my vision and the whole time thinking about that board game “SPLAT!” (I know you know what I’m talking about. It’s like Sorry! but with the added fun of crushing each other’s bug shaped play-dough playing pieces.)

The worst part is that the windshields on motorcycles are only so big. As a result every cute little butterfly that bounces off is like a water balloon bursting on contact and showering the poor rider (me) with a thin film of…whatever that butterfly had for lunch.

I stepped off the bike in Modesto feeling like a jerk for the wholesale slaughter I enacted on the butterfly community but simultaneously kind of irritated by the gut bath I was forced to endure. Of course, once I realized how irritated I was by the inconvenience the deaths of thousands caused me I felt even worse. Sometimes I think life would be much easier if I weren’t such a sissy.

I’m done.

Brett.

And here are two great ways to help out Team Amtrekker! Our new affiliation with bookingbuddy.com means all you have to do to help out the site is click on one of their ads and sign up for an awesome newsletter filled with travel deals! Thanks everyone!

Thanks!

Hey Team,

I’m strongly considering selling my car. It’s been sitting around somewhere in California for over a year now and in the intervening time two very important things have happened. 1) I’ve learned how to travel the entire country without my own mode of transportation and 2) I’ve ostensibly run out of money.

Here’s what I’m thinking. In these times of high gas prices do I even want a car when I get back? Granted my car gets pretty good gas mileage (about 33 MPG) but that just brings me to another point. For the first time ever used cars with high MPG ratings are actually appreciating. Why not capitalize on that?

And yes, I will probably need some form of transportation when I get back but motorcycles are so much cheaper AND more fuel-efficient. Not too mention I will more than likely be moving to either the LA or SF areas and have ready access to planet saving public transportation.

Further more, how nice would it be to finish the trip with some kind of monetary cushion that would give me some stress free time to find another occupation?

Well, what do you think? Did I convince you? Because I’m not sure if I’ve convinced myself yet.

Let me know what you think in the comment section!

Thanks, Team.

I’m done.

Brett.

And here are two great ways to help out Team Amtrekker! Our new affiliation with bookingbuddy.com means all you have to do to help out the site is click on one of their ads and sign up for an awesome newsletter filled with travel deals! Thanks everyone!

Thanks!