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Ohio

Facing Jail Time

Hey Team,

I have a little exercise for you. Close your eyes and picture this (How you’re going to continue reading with your eyes closed is your own problem…let me know how it goes.):

The speedometer reads 85 mph. It’s dark…and late. Ben, the BFG (you know this one), is folded up in the passenger seat dozing off. We’ve been in the car for 10-12 hours at this point but we’re making good time. (Obviously. I mean, come on, the speedometer reads 85 mph.)

I see a cop car waiting by the side of the road off in the distance (and by “distance” I mean I saw him JUST as I past his darkened car).

“Shoot!” Before he even had time to pull out into traffic and turn his siren on I was already in the far right lane signaling toward the shoulder.

I have a couple hard and fast rules when it comes to getting pulled over. One of them is that I ALWAYS get out of the car. Maybe I’m wrong about this one but I feel like it puts you on the same level as the officer and you get to be a person instead of just a floating head that they More >

I Don’t Stand for Pedophiles

Hey Team,

Under normal circumstances my travel days are pretty uneventful. I meet some nice people along the way, I sit on a train or (god forbid) a bus for several hours and then I stumble into a stranger’s house and take a nap. Yesterday was a little different.

I had to take a (arrrgh) bus from Cincinnati to Cleveland to catch a train. And thanks to my overwhelming dislike of lines I decided to sit in the bus station until they actually started boarding the bus. Which of course meant I was the last one to board…or try to.

“I’m sorry the bus is full.”

“But I have a ticket.”

“Sorry.”

“Are you kidding me? Is there another bus? Did you actually sell more tickets than you have seats?”

“You can call customer service and they’ll probably give you your money back.”

“What do you mean probably give me my money back? I don’t need the money, I need to be in Cleveland, what are you going to do about that?” Apparently I ask a lot of questions when I get frustrated.

Eventually the dude went and talked to the bus driver who gave the okay for me to STAND and the back of a crowded bus for More >

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#18 Pet a sloth [podcast]

Hey Team,

Here it is! #18 Pet a sloth is deader than disco. Check it out!

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Let me know what you guys think and don’t hesitate to let me know if you have any problems viewing the video! This is still kind of a learning process. Comment! It’s what gets me through the day.

I’m done.

Brett.

Welcome to the wonderful world of the kindness of strangers:

Why NOT be a kind stranger?

If you knock me on my butt, do I not bleed?

Hey Team,

I’ve been in Ohio for a while now, but it’s been another one of those places where I’ve met a ton of amazing people that keep me so busy I don’t even have time to run away.

I even got to play a hard core game of broom ball the other day in which I managed not only to make a fool of myself but also to rip yet another hole in my soon to be retired pants and bleed down my own leg. Turns out broomball is kind of a misleading name. First of all…no brooms. What the crap’s up with that? Also people seem to get just as much enjoyment out of knocking you on your butt as they do hitting the ball. So, I’m going to propose the name “Wet-ass ball.” Any thoughts?

I have some footage of that too. I’m working on the sloth petting video right now, but hopefully I’ll be able to toss a wet-ass ball video up on the site shortly after that one.

Speaking of videos, you’ve probably noticed a few changes to the site this week…hence the slow down in stories. From now on the newest video will be the first thing you More >

Slo-Mo

Hey Team,

One of the most common questions I get asked on this trip is, “Which one of the things on your list do you think will be the hardest to accomplish?” The unfortunate thing about today is now I’m going to actually have to think about my answer next time someone asks that question. My stock answer for the last couple months has been “#18 Pet a sloth.” But take a look at this picture!!!

That’s Doug from the Cincinnati Zoo on the left, you might recognize me on the right and that chick hanging out center frame is my new best friend Mo! (She’s slow…get it?)

The day started out bright and early with a drive to the Cincinnati Zoo where we met Dan Marsh, the Assistant Director of Education, who introduced us to Doug Feist (Yeah, that Doug.) the Animal Manager. Words like incredible, knowledgeable and friendly don’t do justice to either one of them, they both went above and beyond to let me have my little moment of sunshine and I’m not afraid to admit that I’m not a talented enough writer to aptly describe how much I appreciate it.

Mo had much longer and softer fur than I had More >

Quick Miami U Update

Hey Team,

After a whirlwind adventure involving my couch surfing host dropping me off in the middle of nowhere to catch a shuttle that never materialized, grabbing a ride with a woman who was having car trouble at the gas station, walking on the side of the freeway for 2+ hours in downtown nowhere and finally getting picked up by this weeks team mate, Olivia…I’ve finally made it to Miami University and I’m ten short hours from petting Mo the Cincinnati Zoo’s resident sloth!

How freakin’ excited am I? Very. Very freakin’ excited.

Our mission, should we choose to accept it, even involves a gate code and some behind the scenes wanderings…at an EARLY hour.

Olivia and company have me pretty busy so this is all you kids get for an update before some high quality Mo shots tomorrow!

Did I mention I was excited?

Don’t worry this message wont self-destruct…

I’m done.

Brett.

Go Fly Zone

Hey Team,

The day I gave up on traveling by air is the day it all fell into place. I was flying from Orlando to Dayton, OH one way (which of course means I was going to be super-searched because everyone knows terrorists fly one way) and thanks to my previous experience with TSA I had finally decided, “Eff those guys. If they’re going to want everything out of my bag and all of my liquids thrown away they can do it themselves.”

So I rolled up to an extra long security line that didn’t seem to be moving and handed my ticket to the TSA agent at the end of the line. Sure enough, I was pulled out for a thorough ion scan and delousing…which in this case meant I skipped to the front of the line! AND thanks to shoddy security NOTHING was taken out of my bag and none of my oversized liquids were thrown away.

Lesson learned: The harder you make TSA’s job the less likely they are to do it. Seems obvious now that I know.

I got on the plane flying stand-by without any problem and was assigned an extra roomy exit row aisle but before I could even More >


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